Hope Ngumezi thought his wife would come home from the hospital after suffering a miscarriage. She never did.

Hope: I didn’t tell the boys the night Porsha died. I waited three nights. They’d never seen Mommy not come home. Mommy always came home. You could see it in their faces. They were walking into rooms, looking, searching for something. They didn’t know how to ask the question.

Nolan was five, and Aiden was three. They were still babies. They didn’t really have a concept of death, and I didn’t know how to explain it. I don’t remember the exact words because I was crying trying to get them out. I just remember Nolan’s face. He was so concerned. I think it was the first time he’d ever seen me cry. 

Then I finally said it. “Mommy died.” I just remember his face. He was so confused. He just didn’t understand. Aiden was looking at Nolan because he thought Nolan was going to explain it, but Nolan didn’t know either. Even after that, they were still looking for her. There were times Aiden would see a woman with braids, run to her, and say, “Oh! It’s Mommy!” They didn’t understand that Mommy wasn’t coming back.

When I talk to my boys about Porsha, I always speak highly of her. I tell them, “You boys had a great mom. Even though her life was taken away from us so quickly, the time y’all spent with her, you’ll always feel it.”

Editor’s note: Hope and his wife, Porsha, met as students at Lamar University in Beaumont, Texas in 2007. They spent the next 15 years building a life together. On June 11, 2022, Porsha was actively miscarrying and sought help at a hospital in Houston, where she died after not getting a dilation and curettage (D&C), a standard of care during miscarriages. This practice has raised concerns among Texans as some say that the state’s abortion ban has left doctors with fewer avenues for treating medical emergencies related to pregnancies.

We met in 2007, on October 6, my birthday.

I was having a birthday party, so I was going around getting people to volunteer some money so we could buy liquor and just have a real good 21st birthday party. I bumped into her best friend and told her to bring her friends over so we could have a good balance. She said she’d think about it, she might come, and that was all the conversation we had.

The party kicked off and we were having a great time. I’m a little intoxicated at this point. Been drinking. Then we got a knock on the door, and it was Porsha and her friend.

I knew of Porsha, but I didn’t know Porsha. She lived down the hall from me. I’d see her every now and then walking to class, but I didn’t really know her. I knew she was pretty, but that was about it. So when her friend brought Porsha into my room, I was like, “Holy crap, it’s her.”

Everybody saw her, she was pretty. But it’s my party, it’s in my room, so by nature I get first dibs to try to spit some game. I remember I went to the restroom, splashed water on my face to sober up, and then went back out to the party.

She was sitting on the couch, just sipping on a drink. So I came and sat down next to her, and we started talking.

The conversation was natural. It was just flowing effortlessly. I don’t remember what I spoke about, but I just know the feeling, and I knew it was a connection. I was drawn to her after that.

Porsha was funny. She was playful. She wasn’t going to back down from anybody, so she was going to come right back at you. She was smart, intelligent, crafty. She had so much personality. It’s like, who wouldn’t like her? She fit in so well.

I already knew that she was the one. I remember telling my friends, “I can’t play with her.” She’s not that type of woman you can play with. If you’re going to step to her, you have to want to be something—either be in a relationship or something like that. That’s how I felt.

One of my homegirls finally told me, “Porsha likes you.” Once I got that information, I was like, okay, I got to change my game up because what I’m doing isn’t working. I remember being on campus by myself when I got a knock on the door. It was Porsha.

That connection I felt that first night was the same connection I felt that day. It just kept building and building. Before you know it, I’m like, “You got to be my girl. Would you be my girlfriend?” Of course she said yes.

I told her it was hard to get rid of me. We started dating in 2008. I knew she was going to be my wife. I told her, “You’re wife material. I’m not going anywhere.” We were going to be in this for a while.

The rest is history.

What I really loved most about Porsha? I would say her smile was the first thing. And her facial expressions. Porsha was the type of person where if she felt some type of way, you’d see it in her face. That’s how I was able to read her. She didn’t have to give me too many hints. I’d just see it in her face. She didn’t have a poker face. I loved it. It was cute.

Me and Porsha got married in July of 2016. Right after we got married, we were already talking about building our family. Those conversations were funny. We had plenty of talks about how many kids we wanted, what side of town we wanted to live on, and how we wanted to raise our kids. It was always hilarious because we had so many different ideas. 

So in 2017 we had our first son. I remember thinking I’d won the lottery. It was like getting an endless present. You know how on Christmas morning you open your gift and you’re so excited, but after a couple hours the thrill wears off? This never did. It’s like, I got a kid. I have my wife. I felt like I was on top of the world.

We ended up with two sons, and I had my wife, who’s my best friend. She was the boys’ mom, she’d play with them, wrestle with them, all that stuff. Life was good.

After our two boys, she wanted a third child. I wanted a girl so bad. I got two boys, and I love them, but I needed a balance. My boys are up here, and I wanted a little girl who’d be the opposite of them. I was happy I had my sons first so they could protect their little sister.

Our experience with the hospitals during Porsha’s first two pregnancies had been very smooth. We never really had any issues. Our OB-GYN was great. She was very informative. She told us everything and didn’t leave anything open-ended. She went into detail about everything we needed to know, so we felt comfortable. 

We never really talked about medical issues that might come up. We understood that Black women don’t always get the medical attention they deserve. We’d seen it. We knew it existed. But we never really talked about what could happen to our own family.

We weren’t tracking any of the abortion laws. We thought if something happened, we’d be taken care of.

Editor’s note: At approximately 11 weeks pregnant, Porsha had light spotting that turned into heavy bleeding, so she sought emergency care at Houston Methodist Sugar Land Hospital. Over the course of six hours, Porsha bled so much at the emergency department that she needed to get two transfusions to compensate for the rapid blood loss. Hope stayed home taking care of their two young sons, believing she would receive treatment and come home. He would periodically check in with her over text.

When she texted me that she’d had a miscarriage, I remember I was giving my son a bath, and my whole demeanor changed. I got quiet. I didn’t know what to say. I was heartbroken.

I didn’t want my boys to see it on my face, so I tried my best to keep being a happy dad and keep them happy. But inside I was broken. More than anything, I was worried about Porsha because she was at the hospital by herself. I knew if it hurt me this much, it had to hurt her even worse. My only thought was that I had to get to her. The babysitter got there, I jumped in my car, put my foot on the gas, and drove straight to the hospital.

I had to hold back my tears. I didn’t want her to see me cry because I wanted to be strong for her. I felt like my job was to comfort her. She was scared. She was hurt. I was trying my best to hold it together.

I got there, and they brought Porsha back from an ultrasound. We were finally reunited. Then everything turned chaotic. Shortly after, she passed out because she’d lost too much blood and needed an emergency blood transfusion. 

At that point I was scared. I’m literally talking to her, and then she just passes out. The nurse is telling me, “Keep her awake.” So I’m just trying to keep her awake, keep her with us. They finally gave her blood, and she regained consciousness. At that point I’m thinking, Okay, what’s going on? What do we need to do? Because that was scary. I’m just trying to figure out what kind of care she needs.

The nurse told us they were going to transfer us to a different unit. Before we left, one nurse talked to us. She said, “If anything feels wrong, if anything doesn’t feel right, say something. Voice your opinion. It doesn’t matter what it is.” But the concern on her face—that’s what made me uncomfortable. I remember thinking, Is something wrong? Is there something I should know?

Editor’s note: After consulting with the on-call obstetrician, clinicians administered misoprostol (a medication that empties the uterus) to complete her miscarriage rather than performing D&C, a short, minor procedure used to manage pregnancy loss and heavy bleeding to remove any tissue that might cause infections later on. Porsha also had a blood-clotting disorder, which increased the danger posed by the hemorrhaging she was experiencing. Since Texas enacted its abortion ban, doctors are less likely to perform D&Cs, a treatment that is considered an abortion.

Doctors gave Porsha blood transfusions to stabilize her before transferring her from the emergency department to a medical-surgical floor for continued monitoring. This is where her chest began to hurt.

She told the nurse her chest is hurting, but she also said, “Something doesn’t feel right.”

At that point I was frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. As a man, I just wanted to fix it myself. I hate waiting on folks, but all I could do was wait. I felt so helpless.

I asked Porsha how she was doing. She said she was okay, but her chest still hurt. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t understand how serious it was. I just kept talking to her, trying to get her mind off it. She was really worried at that point, and all I wanted to do was comfort her. We called the nurse again, and then we just sat there waiting to see what they were going to do.

We’re talking, and she’s telling me she misses the boys. She asked me to send her a picture we took on vacation, so I sent it to her phone. While she was in the middle of a sentence, she started having trouble breathing. I was trying to figure out what was going on. I said, “Porsha… what’s happening? What’s wrong?” She was just trying to gasp for air. The first thing I did was hit the call button. I was screaming, “Help! She’s having trouble breathing!”

Over the intercom they asked, “What’s going on?” I said, “She can’t breathe!” The nurse came in and called a Code Blue. They pushed me to the side, and at that point I was just praying. It was an out-of-body experience. I kept thinking, This can’t be happening. She came in healthy. How did we get here?

I wanted to hold her hand while all of this was happening so she could feel me. But they wouldn’t let me get close to her. Then they told me they wanted me to leave the room, which I protested, I wanted to be there. I was yelling out to her, so they got me towards the outside of the door. 

Editor’s note: Porsha died shortly after efforts to resuscitate her failed. She was 35 years old. According to the medical examiner, her cause of death was severe blood loss. Since her death, Hope has raised their sons as a single dad.

Coming home from the hospital, I was lost. Man, my mind was racing. I was trying to understand what had just happened, but I couldn’t process it. Honestly, I still felt like she was going to come back. The first thing I wanted to do was go to my boys. They were at their grandma’s house. I knew I was broken. There was nothing in me. I was so empty. But I didn’t want the boys to see me like that.

I had to use every single ounce of my energy just to stay calm and not break down in front of my kids. I got there, and they were happy to see me.

Of course my son asked, “Where’s Mommy?” That really stung because I didn’t know what to say. I hated the fact that I lied. I told him, “She’s still at the hospital.” 

Then I got them dressed, made them breakfast, and got them ready for school. They were having a good time, still joking, still playing. We’re listening to music, and in the back of my head, I’m empty. I’m just broken.

I got the boys to school, and once the kids were gone, that’s when I broke. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I barely could drive home. I got out of my car, and I couldn’t see because I was crying so hard. I barely made it back to the house. Everything just kept looping in my head, replaying every five seconds. Still, there was part of me that felt like she was going to come back, or maybe I could go back in time.

Before all of this, I didn’t think about abortion. Of course I knew what an abortion was, but a lot of the treatments women need, I wasn’t aware of. I didn’t even know what a D&C was.

I want people to understand what they’re dealing with in Texas, or any state with an abortion ban, when you’re building your family, when your wife is pregnant, when you’re expecting a child. What happened to Porsha was devastating, and knowing it was preventable makes it even worse. I wouldn’t want anybody to go through that.

If this happened to you or someone you love, contact Abortion in America or reach out to our team directly at Amplify Legal.

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