The abortion she needed made room for the family she wanted.
Synopsis
Kayleigh Garcia Roffino always knew she wanted to be a mom, and she wanted to be intentional about that choice. She spoke with Abortion in America in Texas about the abortion she had in college that allowed her to become the parent she had always hoped to be. The passage below has been edited from the original transcript for length and clarity.
Kayleigh: Being a mom has been an absolutely spiritual experience for me. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I was very intentional about my choice to become a mom. I find peace in my son. I find joy in my son. I find hope in my son.
The first time I found out I was pregnant, I was 24 years old and in college. I was supposed to be going to my Psychology of Women course. Before class, I took a pregnancy test, and it came back positive. I was furious. I was angry. I was disappointed in myself.
I was really scared because I didn’t know who I was going to tell or how I was going to tell people. My roommates were home, and when I screamed the expletive that I screamed, they came running in to see what was wrong. I just looked at them and said, “I’m fucking pregnant. I’m pregnant.”
They were like, “Okay. What can we do for you?”
I remember saying, “I really have no idea.”
I called my partner, who lived about an hour away, and said, “I need you to come up here. I’m pregnant.” Then, I went to class.
I had a presentation that day. I got up there, I did my presentation, I sat down in my classroom, and I wrote a pros and cons list of my pregnancy. My biggest pro was that I really wanted to be a mom. I’d always known that I wanted to be a mom. Then I started writing the cons. Your boyfriend’s abusive. Your boyfriend doesn’t really want to be with you. He’s an alcoholic. You’re in college. You can’t move out of your house… Just over and over again, I wrote con after con. I kept looking back at that one thing on the pro side—You want to be a mom—and then looking back at everything else. I remember thinking, There’s just no way. I can’t have a baby.
I got up there, I did my presentation, I sat down in my classroom, and I wrote a pros and cons list of my pregnancy.
I knew I didn’t want to be with this man for the rest of my life. I knew I wanted to graduate from college. I knew I wanted to get my master’s degree. I knew there was so much life I still wanted to live. Looking back now, I don’t think I was grieving the pregnancy as much as I was grieving the future I would’ve had if I’d continued it.
When I found out I was pregnant, I Googled how to get an abortion in Texas. The first clinic that came up was actually a fake clinic. It was a crisis pregnancy center. I told them I wanted to confirm my pregnancy because I was planning to have an abortion. They immediately wanted to talk to me about all my options. I remember thinking, I don’t need all my options. I know my option. Something didn’t feel right, so I never made the appointment.
Editor’s note: Crisis pregnancy centers are anti-abortion organizations that pose as legitimate medical clinics, often offering free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds to get women to walk through their doors. Despite the names of their clinics, they don’t provide abortions. Instead, they often provide women with misleading information about abortion and pregnancy to discourage them from seeking one.
Eventually I found an abortion clinic. Because of the law at the time, I had to go in for an appointment before the procedure. The physician turned the ultrasound screen toward me and pointed to the pregnancy. He told me it was no larger than an English pea. I remember hearing that and being so thankful he described it that way because it solidified my decision. I remember thinking, That’s it? That’s what we’re making a big deal about? Yeah, let’s do this. I looked at the screen and thought to myself, I’ll see you later. I knew this wasn’t my time. I knew I wanted children someday, just not then.
After my abortion, I felt relief. I remember thinking, Okay. I can go back to school next week. I can get out of this relationship. I can do all the things I’ve dreamed of.
Around that same time, I was taking a domestic violence course in college. I remember flipping through the textbook, reading the warning signs, and thinking, Check. Check. Check. It was like reading my own relationship. That’s when I realized I had to leave. My abortion wasn’t the catalyst that made me leave, but it gave me one piece of the puzzle that allowed me to. I wasn’t tied to him forever, and eventually I was able to get out.
Over the next several years, I graduated with my master’s degree. I studied abroad in India. I traveled. I worked with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Today, I work at an abortion fund helping Texans access care. Without my abortion, I don’t think I would’ve been able to focus on helping other people. I would’ve been much more focused on surviving. I wouldn’t have healed from that relationship the way I was able to. I was able to heal and do all these wonderful things and become the person that I wanted to be.
Had I not had my abortion, I would not be the mom that I am today.
When I met my husband, Charles, I was very upfront with him. I told him, “If you don’t want to have a baby, I’m not the right person for you. This is something I really, really want in my life. I want to have a family.” He felt very similarly.
When we decided to start trying, it just felt like the right time. We had gotten married, there were no physiological barriers anymore, no birth control, nothing like that. We knew that if we got pregnant, it was exactly the next step for us.
What surprised us was how quickly it happened. We got married, went on our honeymoon, came home, and then—baby. It was like, Wow, that was fast. We definitely weren’t expecting it!
As soon as we found out, it was a lifestyle change. We started reading baby books, talking with doulas and midwives, and thinking about what our future was going to look like. Our families were so excited. There wasn’t really any fear in the world.
My first pregnancy was filled with fear, grief, and so many unknowns. The second time was pure elation. I remember seeing the positive pregnancy test with my son and immediately flashing back to the first time I’d seen those two lines. When my husband and I started trying for a baby, I wanted to record my reaction because I wanted to remember the difference. I wanted to remember seeing a positive pregnancy test and feeling nothing but happiness. I wanted to remember running into the arms of somebody who was happy with me.
When my husband found out we were pregnant, he held the test up to the light because he wanted to make sure there were really two lines. Then he started doing pushups because he was so excited. It was the happiest kind of nervous energy.
Had I not had my abortion, I would not be the mom that I am today.
Today I work with Texans from all over the state. I work with a lot of mothers who tell me, “I just can’t have another.” I work with people who tell me, “I don’t want to be pregnant.” There’s this common thread of understanding that this isn’t right for them. My job is to help them navigate that space. Sometimes it’s lifting people up in their joy after they’ve received care. Sometimes it’s holding them in their grief because this isn’t what they wanted, and they just need somebody to talk to.
The barriers Texans face are plentiful. People are scared of prosecution. They’re confused about the law. They’re trying to figure out child care, time off work, and how to leave the state. One of the things that sticks with me most is the number of times I’ve had to teach someone how to fly because they’ve never left Texas before. It’s really scary to try to access an abortion in this state.
explore more stories from abortion in america
The abortion she needed made room for the family she wanted.
Ectopic Pregnancy Deaths Have Nearly Doubled. It’s Worse in States With Abortion Bans.
