Abortion in America
Theresa Van tried to grow her family in Arkansas. She was forced to carry a pregnancy that could not survive.
Synopsis
Theresa was excited to give her daughter, Camille, a sibling when she received the devastating news that her new pregnancy would not survive. Because of an abortion ban in her home state of Arkansas, she was forced to stay pregnant for weeks, waiting until her daughter’s heartbeat stopped, then delivering her baby hours away from home. Theresa—along with three other women and a doctor—is now suing the state of Arkansas in the first case filed by Amplify Legal, the litigation arm of Abortion in America.
Theresa spoke with Abortion in America about her experience. Her story has been edited for length and clarity.
Theresa: My favorite part about being a mom is living through Camille, my daughter, who is four. I had a really rough childhood growing up, and so I knew that once I became a mom, my children would never have to go through anything that I went through. And Camille definitely has everything that I didn’t have—and more.
The day that I found out I was pregnant with Cielle, I knew that I was pregnant. I had been trying to have a baby, and we were wanting to give Camille a sibling.
At my 20-week appointment, we found out that I had low amniotic fluid [which is necessary for fetal development]. At my 22-week appointment, he confirmed that I actually went from having low amniotic fluid to none, and that I would be forced to carry her until she passed on her own.
He did tell me the consequences of what would happen if he were to intervene for a medical abortion—which is what I needed—and that would’ve been a $100,000 fine and a 10-year prison sentence in the state of Arkansas.
I didn’t know at the beginning that I was allowed to leave the state to seek care. I was really fearful of getting in trouble. I had Camille, and I would never do anything to risk me being taken from her.
Going in every week to see if your baby is alive is like a horrific waiting game. It was the longest seven weeks that I’ve ever gone through. It felt like a lifetime.
On Tuesday, July 18th, I went in for my regular weekly appointment. I thought things were going normally until she played the sound. And usually when she plays the sound, what comes over the speaker is Cielle’s heartbeat.
But it was completely silent.
She turned the machines off quickly, and I asked her, “She’s gone, isn’t she?”
She said yes, and then everything hit at once. I was hysterical.
After the ultrasound, when we found out Cielle was no longer alive, I went and saw my obstetrician to talk about what the next steps were.
They said there wasn’t a large enough blood bank supply at our local hospital in Fort Smith, and they were understaffed. That could result in me possibly losing my life, because I had such a high chance of hemorrhaging. So I was going to be transferred to the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences medical center (UAMS) in Little Rock to have her.
I think the hardest part of the whole process—of going there and having Cielle—was dropping her off at the funeral home. Dropping her off was really hard, because I went home without a baby.
Little Rock is three hours from Fort Smith, and it’s a pretty far drive. Honestly, having to figure out child care and work arrangements was really hard on us.
I would have rather had her here in Fort Smith, where I had support from family and friends.
When we arrived at UAMS in Little Rock, I was induced around noon. Later that evening, after Cielle came out, they cleaned her up, and then I got to spend time with her. We all spent time together as a family.
We had to go straight from the hospital to the funeral home.
It was really important to me to have Cielle cremated so that I could also take her wherever with me. These are her ashes. They go in this little stand here, next to my nightstand.
On the way home with Cielle, we sang her songs. We talked to her. We spent a lot of time telling her that we loved her, that she was wanted, and that we were sad this was happening–but that she would always be with us, no matter what.
I think the hardest part of the whole process—of going there and having Cielle—was dropping her off at the funeral home. Dropping her off was really hard, because I went home without a baby, and I felt like I was leaving her there alone.
I wish people knew that what happened to me can happen to anyone. My story is not a rare occurrence. It’s not political—it’s personal. And it affects real people and real families. It has deeply traumatized and affected mine. I am just a normal woman in the state of Arkansas who wanted her baby.
If this happened to you or someone you love, contact Abortion in America or reach out to our team directly at Amplify Legal.
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